it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
