I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
