I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
