he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
