i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
