So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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