I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
