He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
