How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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