There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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