And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
