oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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