You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
