**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Randomize
