I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
You took a bar mat shot.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Someone signed my nipple.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
