Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
