I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
