How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
