What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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