And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
