he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
you didnt know i had herpes?
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I just want nice things and good sex
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
