i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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