I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Randomize
