I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
