just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
