we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
