That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
He literally asked permission to hit on me
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
