i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Are we still banned from the library?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Lo siento on account of my penis...
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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