it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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