i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
