also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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