I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
