Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
