You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
