Moan for me like Helen Keller
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
time to smoke my breakfast
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
