turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
