wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
