I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Randomize
