I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
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