just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
