i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
