im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
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