So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
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