You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
