He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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