Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
