If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
