my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Randomize
