To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
