I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Can you bring me the toilet please
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
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